I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms
Also Bard/Legolas is just Bard rubbing his dick against a really clean mirror so you know c’maaaann.
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD
The Tale of Squinty the Snowman
It is a sad tale, full of much woe. Once there was a snowman named Squinty who was beloved by a wild flatbear. But as most creatures of ice and snow, he fell under the dominion of the Ice King and his powdery heart was hardened and could not accept her love.
Swooping to the rescue, Thor deposed the mad Ice King and knocked the snow clean off of Squinty’s head, leaving only his skull.
flatbear mourned her fallen comrade while Thor took a nap in Squinty’s hat. The Ice King fled, living to corrupt innocent snowmen another day.
Oh my god, wanna hear something exciting!?
We were poster shopping for the store today and we found this huge Hawkeye poster and--
That's not exciting
Oh my god sorry
"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"
"i made cookies"
"i did your laundry for you"
"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours"
people are putting trigger warnings on this
'I love you," said Davos, rubbing his nubbly stubs on Stannis' cheek. It felt like sandpaper. Stannis was awful. Just awful. "And I have a surprise for you." Stannis frowned, because it was the only expression he knew how to make. ''WHAT COULD YOU HAVE FOR ME PIRATE" he stannised, like a guy. Davos rattled the bag around his neck. 'A bone," he replied. Stannis frowned. Seriously that's all he can do. (1/2)
"But I already took your bones." he said. Davos pterodactyl screamed into the ocean ‘THIS ONE IS IN MY PAAAAAAAAANTS". And then there were no more onions. (2/2)
O MY GOD I DIED OF ORGASMS